About Me

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Portland, OR, United States
As an aspiring theologian I live in a city, state, country and time that offers minimal allowance to stern conviction. However arousing this "fenced" position seems at times, I cannot stay silent or relent on that which sternly convicts the very core of who I am. If nothing else, this is the slow and steady, (rather infrequent) thought-life of one who has tried her turn at silence, failing miserably on all accounts. In my limited experience thus far, I have come to realize four very important facts of life which demand attention: First, that I am here by God’s appointment, second, in His keeping, third, under his training, and fourth, for His timing (Andrew Murray). The end of the story is still a mystery to me but I’ve relinquished my pen to its true author, leaving the future in a terribly exciting state.

Wednesday

The Belly Button


I've recently been enlightened about the belly-button. One of many irrational fears I've held since I was young, is that if someone were to poke me slightly too hard in the center, chances are, their finger would go straight through.  I believe it was my sister who first positioned the anxiety for me.  After telling me that my “outtie” was strange, I began to push it in, working it slowly into an “innie” over the course of several weeks. After all, calling something a “button” only seems to invite the habit. I was successful in my endeavor and one day, proudly displayed my new “normal-looking” belly button to my sister.  She was a mastermind and simply replied, “Well, be careful or you’ll poke a hole right through your belly!” From then on, I formed the opinion that should this occur, my "button" would be much like the tab on a pop can, broken-off and lost in a sea of carbonation; likely to never resurface. It’s a scenario many of the leading villains in my nightmares have used against me. For this reason, I’ve steered clear of conversations on or anywhere around the belly button. 
With my newly protruding mid-section, on many nights I’ll find Josh drawing invisible pictures on my belly with his finger, talking and reading to our baby. As he was doing this a few nights ago he asked where the baby gets its nutrients. For some reason, my answer was “the belly button, obviously.”
“Oh”, he said, cocking his head to the left slightly and continuing with his canvass.
                At this point, if you are even slightly educated, you’re probably terrified by the thought of Josh and I parenting the future generation in t-minus-zero-months. In Josh’s defense, he may not have been paying attention to what I was saying, but I certainly was, and naturally began to question my logic. I suppose I assumed that my belly button had developed into a long cord (the umbilical cord) on the inside of me over the first few weeks of pregnancy and connected itself to the baby’s belly button.  He/she was drawing nutrients from a thin layer of tissue (which I deemed to be the placenta) lining my stomach around the cord. Perfectly sensible. Completely inaccurate. This idea planted fresh anxiety into my already wandering mind – How on Earth will they disconnect the cord on the inside of my belly button once the baby is born?? Does it simply tear off at the stub naturally, or will the OB need to bury an arm up to their bicep inside of me to make sure it’s a clean cut?! I’ve seen the umbilical cord of babies cut before. Wouldn’t the very same sever be necessary on the inside of me?! Again, if you’re thinking this is a practical hypothesis, we should probably be friends. If not … we should probably be friends.
Around the table at Josh’s mini-birthday party last week, a few gracious women I know opened my eyes to the obvious. I’m still confused of course…(my bloodstream providing all essentials this little one needs isn’t any more sound of an explanation in my opinion), but I am less afraid and feeling much more positive about the ordeal, not to mention, my belly-button. :)  Speaking of bellies, here is one with a 6.5lb baby inside...












1 comment:

  1. This made me laugh! I wish I lived around you to witness you and all that this adventure has brought you. Miss you shan! I think about you often.. oh and im pretty sure you are the most gorgeous preggo woman ever. I now have to live to your standers of beauty :)

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